Give Yourself the Space to Win

Winning feels good. No matter if it's making yourself do a small task or finishing a marathon in your best time, it just feels great. We're hard wired to feel good after making it happen. Obviously this allows us to grow easier as we're looking forward to this reward.

A lot of people have a to-do list nowadays. We're all busy and the world seems to only change faster and demand more of us. We're often busy from when we open our eyes to when we go to sleep. 

And so our days are filled with small victories and defeats. Sometimes it may be a really great day, you feel that you've tipped the tide in your direction, but just wait long enough and life is sure to send you a curveball. And sometimes there are these months or years, which just seem to work against you. That's how it is, you might say.

The Unfair Advantage

Just as well as we like to win in our small every day challenges, it feels even better to win in life in general. To be able to call your life a good life, healthy, wealthy and happy.

There are many aspects by which we may judge our happiness and all of us have different standards, but the feeling of contentment, of joy, satisfaction and fulfillment are the common ground we all understand.

So how can we turn the tide, so it works in our favor? Obviously you won't start doing twice as much during your day overnight. Neither will you become more educated, enlightened or gain a decade's worth of experience. Is there a strategy we can use, to start going with the wind instead of against it?

The Magic of Space

When I was very young I read a quote in a Taoist book by Lao Tzu in a second hand bookshop, which I found very confusing.

Thirty spokes converge upon the nave; where the wheel is not, there is the function of the cart. Pour clay to make a vessel; where there is no space, there is the function of the vessel. Through walls cut windows and doors; where there is no hole, there is the function of the house. Therefore profit comes from what is there; use comes from what is not there.

The concept of empty space having usefulness was very odd to me. Now I feel it is the essence of what we need in order to lead a great life. You could say I just mean that you need a plan, which looks into the future and leads to your desired outcome while giving you space to grow, but it's so much more. 

Losing is a part of winning

Creating space to win your life is about allowing yourself to fail in order to win. In every tennis match you lose many points and still win. If you limit your victory by not giving yourself space for error you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Point far to be happy with your progress

Imagine a great plain. There are many treasures scattered on it, which all make you happy. Yet there in the distance on a large hill is the grand treasure, the one only few attain. You obviously may pick the small and not so grand one laying at your feet. Yet how long will it satisfy you? Few of us are happy for our whole life with exactly what we are and have, we usually need progress and growth not only to satisfy ourselves, but also to help the people we care for.

By choosing long term goals, which are ambitious, all the achievements along the way will anyway bring you happiness. It's not that important if you reach that peak. The grand space, which you created by setting your long term goal will allow you to be happy on your journey. What’s more, if you fail in any of those small everyday tasks, which align along your path, you won’t lament as much. After all there are plentiful treasures on your plain and each day is another one to be happy about, as long as you’re alive.

Limitations

Remember when you were stuck for a long time and then something made you realize it was you, who cornered yourself into this situation. Give yourself space. Start talking with yourself. Do I need to be here? Is this situation worth my time and effort? Move on. Let go. 

It is especially in these situations, when goals projected far into space can lead us forward. You don't need to climb every wall on your path. Ask someone for guidance and pick a path around, if the obstacle is too steep to climb.

I think this is one of the most profound mistakes I have made in my life. Being brutally stubborn and trying to defy gravity. You are here and there are rules by which we have to play. Set yourself up for winning by choosing your path smartly. If there’s a highway in your direction 2 miles west do you necessarily need to take that lone path through the Himalayas in your swimwear?

Space to Grow

My sister once gave me one of her plants as she was moving. To my astonishment the plant had barely any ground on the bottom of the pot. It was a miracle it was alive, not to mention reach its size. We added much more soil and a larger flower pot and within a few months the plant grew fourfold. 

We all have amazing potential, but often limit ourselves by not being in the right place. A plant can’t walk and change its environment, we can. If you can’t grow anymore in your current job, maybe it’s time for a change. Is the market you’ve been in declining due to digitization? Maybe it’s time to learn new skills or find a new passion.

The Secret

Space is relative in modern physics. In Buddhist philosophy space is an illusion. Maybe your goal is much closer than you think. The next time you sit down to write your goals for tomorrow try this hack: How can I achieve my long term goal much sooner? It's very possible that if you go for tasks, which will give you maximum effect with minimal effort you might start to reach your targets much sooner.

In short

Give yourself the space to win, you will be going somewhere, so why not pick that destination yourself by picking a long term goal, plan small loses as they're part of the journey, make space for them, your error space, one step back, two steps forward, don't get hung up, move on if something is too hard, you can't win every battle, play it smart, do the things, which give the highest returns, enjoy the ride and remember, it's just an illusion, we are always now and you are always here.

Each day stop for a few minutes. Do nothing. Enjoy the vast space of your life. There’s always room to grow. It’s in you.

Wishing you a great life,
Tomasz